Thursday, August 3, 2017

[WoW FanFiction] Just a couple of pandas.


Rhasody sat against the tree, carefully placing the feather into arrow shaft preparing to wrap it when a hyperactive bundle of fur pounced on her, scattering fletching materials and sending fletcher head over tail into the bushes.

 “GAH! Maurata!” Rhasody said, looking up at the ever smiling face of one of Azeroth’s most powerful shaman. 

 “Hi!” Maurata replied cheerfully, happy that Rhas wasn’t in armour. She had to untwine her fur from chain mail the last time she’d pounced. She supposed she could just not pounce, but Rhasody was just so pounceable and had the best reactions.

 “You’re wet!” Rhas complained squirming to get out from underneath the soggy pandaren. 

 “I was trying to help the water formed druid and then I went to the fish market,” Maurata replied enthusiastically and then shook herself, damp fur fortunately not sending water every which way. “I wanted to make some mist soup for the potluck feast!”

 Rhasody shoved Maurata off, sitting up, She had arrow heads poking into her tail and it was most uncomfortable. “Most people don't jump into the tub WITH the druid.”

Maurata wasn’t deterred, rolling to crouch in front of Rhasody and rubbing cheek to cheek. “I'm a shaman! We heal with the water spirits”

 “You don't have to take a shower every time!” Rhasody complained again after rubbing back against Maurata. 

 “But I do! That’s what makes it fun, see, if I just stand aside I don't become one with the healing and can't direct the water in fun shapes to relax my patient.” Maurata turned and started to help the hunter pick up her various supplies. 

 “That’s a leaf from the tree.” Rhasody said with a sigh.

 “Really?” Maurata sniffed it and then bit into it. “Ooo, spicy minty.”

 “You’re impossible.” The older Pandarian said with an eyeroll. 

 “Am not! I’m just improbable.” The shaman pushed Rhasody into a sitting position before planting her head in the hunter’s lap. “You are coming to the feast, right? There’s going to be so many nummy foods!”

 “What’re we celebrating? We killed Gul’dan *again* and we’re going to go eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die?” Rhasody asked, wrinkling her nose.

 “Exactly! Life’s too short to mope. Get out there, explore life, see the worlds, taste all the foods, swim in all the rivers, talk to all the spirits, have good tea!” She hand waved, a bunch, then sighed, “You need to lighten up. You’re too tense.”

 “I do like a good tea.” Rhasody replied thoughtfully.

 “That’s the spirit. It’s a good start. Maybe we can get one of the humans to set up the bucket of apples thing and dunk Khadgar in it!”

 “Maybe we can drown him.” muttered Rhasody, she still hadn’t forgotten the “joke” with the nethershards. And the puns, oh ancestors, all the puns.

 “Pffft, then how would we get our flying city anywhere?” Maurata reached up to scritch Rhasody under the chin. “C’mon, have a little fun. Forget that there’s a huge demon army out there wanting to fry our livers in onions!”

 “I don’t think the demons cook their food.” Rhasody said, giving Maurata’s fingers a nibble.

 Maurata gave a melodramatic gasp, clutching her free hand to her chest. “Even more reason for them to all die! Not cook your food?! Probably don’t use spices either!”

 Rhasody rolled her eyes, “You’re hopeless. And making my lap wet.”

 Maurata gave a wicked grin, “Doesn’t my mere presence do that?”

 Rhasody opened her mouth and closed again.

 “Tee hee.” Maurata said, squirming around to stand in front of Rhasody once more, holding her paw out. “C’mon, let’s go get lunch. You’ll be less cranky after lunch!”

 “Now you’re just being extra silly. I’m always cranky!”

 “Need more fibre. How about some sticky buns?”

 Rhasody just sighed and let Maurata pull her to her feet. “And some of Chen's hoisin sauce?”

 “Now you’re talking!” 

Friday, March 17, 2017

[WoW Fanfiction] Once more into Suramar.



Chewie was happily sitting in the bar, hooves up on the table, cold ale beside them. He had a rabbit sleeping on one leg, a blood elf on the other. The rabbit at least didn't drool. He moved Rae's cloak so she drooled on it instead of him.

He'd awoken with a vague headache and a lot of bad orc pottery in his pack. One could only wonder where Leensa had dragged him off to, apparently it had been fun though and he'd gained enough gold in his pockets to buy armour cleaning and ale while he waited.

A tugging at his leg for him to look down to find a second rabbit looking at him expectantly. "Looking for Miss Lola, Speedy?"

"Not yet!" Came the cheerful reply. "Highlord Raelanaa is requested in Suramar by the Lady Liadrin."

Chewie dutifully gave the rabbit messenger craisins and watched him hop off. Miss Lola, who wasn't as asleep as she seemed rolled off Chewie and made herself scarce before she could be put to work. Then, with glee, he grabbed the edge of Rae's cloak and sent her crashing to the floor.

Rae woke up mean. She rolled to her feet, a dagger that had been on her belt suddenly in her hand as she looked around for the danger.

"Morning sleepy!" Chewie said happily.

Rae's eyes narrowed as she glared at the Tauren. Chewie moved his tail out of biting reach. One could never tell with the paladin sisters.

"You've been summoned to Suramar!"

The very eloquent reply was "Blurgh. Coffee."

Chewie looked around and down at his tankard. "Nope, none here. You'll have to go to the bar."

Raelanna just looked at him. It was a very scary look.

"Er, maybe I'll just go to the bar and fetch you that coffee."

Chewie came back with a large mug of coffee, looked at her legs where he'd previously been sitting, considered her smirk, handed her her coffee and promptly sat down on her legs.


* * *

Landing near the camp of blood elves, Chewie looked around with some amusement. Apparently, elves COULD move quickly if they really wanted to.

Lady Liadrin was busy waving papers in the air at some mage. Or at least, Chewie assumed they were a mage since they were completely impractical clothing and looked like they'd swallowed a frog.

She turned to Raelanna and then looked up at Chewie with some surprise. "You brought a Tauren."

"He's housebroken and mostly useful," Rae said dryly.

"He's also standing right here and can go home to bed," Chewie interjected.

Lady Liadrin just rolled her eyes, though it was kind of hard to tell with Blood Elves and their freaky green eyes. The glow just kind of swirled.

"I need you to contact the scouts I sent into the city and collect their reports. The fighting has spread, and I suspect they're trapped behind lines." The leader of the Blood Knights turned to eye Chewie again, "I suppose a Tauren could be useful."

"He's a shaman. He can do more than just rain frogs, y'know." Rae actually defended him. Maybe he'd not summon frogs into her soup .. a second time.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure." Lady Liadrin turned back to the mage to return to whatever argument they were having that involved chrono somethings and power whatsits. Chewie was more of summon a lightning elemental and send it up the skirts of your enemy problem-solving system.

"I haven't actually agreed to this," Chewie pointed out as Raelanna turned and walked away. He followed her quickly enough; she had to take three steps to his every one. Every so often he'd mince his steps and take the same tiny ones she did. It generally ended with him being elbowed in the gut and Rae swearing a lot about hurting her elbow on his armour. Silly Elf, if she'd wear more armour, she wouldn't hurt herself so often.

"Excuse me," a quiet voice interrupted. The intrepid duo turned to a near-withered who looked familiar to Chewie.

It didn't take him long to place the man, "Absolon, my friend! How's it going?"

Rae did a double take, "You know him? I know him!"

"I am blessed by such friends amongst the outlanders, it is true. The Lady Raelanaa gave me mana when I would have withered, and Lord Chewie took my letter to my wife." He wrung his hands, "It is my wife I worry for. With the war moving into Suramar, and I hesitate to call it anything but war, I fear my dear Norissa is trapped. I do not wish to lean any further on your kindness but.."

Chewie put his hand on the Nightborne's shoulder and patted softly. "It's okay, bro, I got you."

Rae nodded, "We'll get her and every other civ out safely.. we'll just start with her."

She turned and continued the walk to the failing shimmer of the protective dome over Suramar city.

Chewie looked back at Lady Liadrin then forward to Raelanna before turning to glance at Absolon and sighed. He hated Suramar. Why did he always have to go into Suramar? The sewers were starting to look good.. maybe if he was lucky a giant meteor would fall from the sky and turn the whole place into a giant crater. Well, after they got the good people out. The demons and collaborators could be smoking meter dust for all he cared.

"Cheer up," Rae said as he caught up. "You get to hit things with your hammer. That always makes you happy."

The noise Chewie made back sounded suspiciously like he stuck his tongue out at her and blew a raspberry. But of course, being the mature, wise, leader of the shaman of Azeroth, he'd never do any such thing. Not while Rae was looking, anyway.




Wednesday, March 1, 2017

[Pirates of the Caribbean Fanfiction] Meanwhile, on the good ship Rumrabbit..


Handsome Jack sat on the gunwale and ignored the world with only the grace and ability that a cat could produce. His long, luscious, perfect, tail, curled around his feet as he sat up, making sure he faced the wind correctly to make the light fur ruffling breeze got it's action right. It was hard to be the best looking being in port, but someone had to do it.

A shadow fell across him, and he let out a sniff before turning to stare at the source of the rum stench. It also smelled more human than most humans did it.

"That's a cat." The human said, peering down at him.

Handsome Jack yawned.

"You don't do cats. You do rabbits." The human said, frowning.

Captain Ren appeared out of the human's shadow. She barely came up to his shoulder but was a fierce hunter and provider of chicken puffs. Handsome Jack decided he'd let her scritch him along the jaw and even let out a rumbling purr to let her know she was doing a good job. It was important to let your lackeys know they were successful in their tasks.

He tuned out what Captain Ren was saying; it probably wasn't important anyway since she wasn't talking to him. Something about the human being the master of the obvious and she worshipped all creatures as glorious as himself, probably.

"The cat's name is Jack?!" spluttered the human.

Handsome Jack narrowed his eyes and glared at the human.

"*Handsome* Jack." Captain Ren corrected.

Handsome Jack gave a little cat sniff while he considered being mollified . The decision was made for him when Captain Ren started rubbing behind his ear. Well, that was just cheating.

"Well, he is better lookin' than the monkey."

Jack sat up, full out glaring at the human with a little hiss, tail lashing against the wood and his front paws.

Captain Ren reached up and smacked the human on the back of the head. "He was named Jack before you were named Jack."

"I'm not sure time be workin' that way. I'm older than the cat."

Jack let out a warning low rumbling growl that this human better be more respectful to himself and his provider of toys, treats and scritches. Well, his secondary provider, his humom was better at it still, but one made do when one was on vacation.

"He's not named after you.. and the monkey smells better."

"Than the cat?" The human asked archly, "I can agree with that!" He said smugly.

Or at least, he was smug, until Handsome Jack had had enough and launched off the gunwale to land rear paws on the human's chest, his front on the human's eyes. His hind claws dug in for purchase, while he flexed his forepaws meaningfully.

"Right. This is why we don't insult cats. I forgot that. Never leave your hat around a rabbit and don't insult a cat." The human paused. "Ahem." Handsome Jack considered adding a little more flex. "I sincerely apologise for the insults you have taken of Handsomest of Jack Cats."

Handsome Jack couldn't quite decide if he'd been further insulted or it was a genuine apology but the human smelled terrible, and it would take an hour to get even worse stenches out of his claws if he gutted the human. He allowed Captain Ren to disentangle him from the pirate's hair, bandana and necklaces. He curled up in her arms, using ample bosom for a pillow. He then stuck his tongue out at the human who, if he had any sense at all, would be appropriately jealous of the Handsome Jack curled up in warm snuggles.

The human's response to stick his tongue back out at Handsome Jack.

"Really? What are you? Twelve?" Captain Ren muttered in disbelief as she gave Handsome Jack some pets and put him down on the deck to saunter off in search of an elusive dish of chicken.

"Now, about your hat stealing rabbit.." He heard the human start up.

Handsome Jack sniffed and flicked his tail in the human's general direction. Really, if he thought he was getting that hat back from Cindy, he was an even bigger idiot than Handsome Jack had taken him for.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

[Fur Fiction] Lagomorphic Postal Services.

(A very early picture of Miss Lola - I think this was from her foster home)

Miss Lola Bunny woke up to a human staring down at her. "What?" she thumped, one ear going backwards in disdain.

"Coffee." The humom said. It was a simple word, but then, Miss Lola was pretty sure her humom was quite simple.

Miss Lola yawned and stretched. Oh, right, she was supposed to have fetched that yesterday. Not like the world was going to end. With a sigh she hopped off towards the closet to go fetch the stupid coffee.

* * *

Same Time, Next Morning.

"This is not coffee!" The humom complained. 

Miss Lola was pretty sure she wasn't getting paid enough.

"This is hot chocolate!" The humom continued.

"It could have been French! Canadians label their cans weird." In all honesty, she'd just grabbed the first she'd seen. Who knew humoms could be so picky? Well, she suppose she did, but she could be more grateful and less picky.

Miss Lola sighed and headed back towards the closet. 

* * *

Same Time, Next Morning.

"This is NABOB!" The humom protested, holding up a can. "And it's INSTANT."

"Then you'll instantly stop complaining? It's coffee. It's Canadian. What more do you want?" 

"Tim. Hortons. Coffee." The humom said in a tone that was probably supposed to sound infinitely patient, but to Miss Lola sounded like it didn't have nearly enough treats to follow it up with.

Miss Lola huffed. This was just ridiculous. She once again went back to the closet.

* * * 

Same Time, Next Morning.

"THIS IS A CAN OF YOUR POOP!" The humom complained. 

"Poop, coffee, what's the difference anyway?" Lola muttered. Enough was enough, she hopped over to the couch, grabbed her humom's tablet and nosed to Amazon. She then looked at her humom pointedly.

"You're supposed to be faster." Her humom grumbled as she placed her order.

Miss Lola gave full foot flicks to THAT as she hopped back to her hidey. She'd have to be paid five times as much to be faster than a bunch of silly humans in blue uniforms. And be able to read French, which obviously no sensible rabbit would want to do. Le lapin, her fuzzy white ass.