Saturday, August 27, 2016

[WoW Fanfiction] A Tauren and two troubles makers with whisky in a bar.

Shevaun had headed off to Xanza's to have a chat with rabbit messengers and her bestie priest friend while muttering something about soju and a large bucket. Grunto had gone looking for the ladies he'd been forced to ditch, saying he at least owed them dinner and perhaps after that an evening of watching the fel burn over the isles. Leensa and Rae had followed Chewie back to the bar they'd started in. Two thirds of their mounts were back beside the inn, the two hippogriffs having tucked their heads under their wings to sleep while the blue drake seemed to have found better places to be, possibly somewhere with more swine to eat.

The bar was mostly empty, even the barmaids seemed to have been distracted by the fun at the Citadel. However, the bartender was more than happy to take their money before they settled in at a table near the unlit fireplace.

"Wat?" Chewie asked. The Blood Elf sisters had been plying the Tauren shaman with whisky when Raelanaa had smiled winningly, curled a lock of red hair around her finger and said one magic word.

"Naga!" she repeated.

"No." Chewie said with a very impressive frown.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun!" Leensa said, holding green eyes open wide in an attempt at looking innocent. Chewie wasn't buying it, he'd been friends with both of them for far too long.

"That's what you said last time." He pointed out. "Oh hey Chewie, come check out this steam vent. It'll help get that goo off your armour!"

"You said you like to get steamy with the ladies." Rae pointed out, looking as if she'd adjust her halo at any moment.

"*Tauren* ladies." Chewie corrected with a sniff. "And wrong type of steamy! You had me stand over that thing right before it erupted!"

"And you complained your horns would split from the heat - wet, steamy, horny Chewie! You should have seen your face!"  Leensa couldn't help herself, she started to laugh; a deep belly laugh that soon almost had her falling out of her chair. Rae's glance between Chewie's expression and Leena's laughter set her off into her own gales of glee. "By .. the light.." Leensa managed, "Chewie eruption!"

Rae's laughter led to almost-tears, "Chewie explosion!"

"Red hot Chewie!"

"Steamy horny Chewie!"

"Naked Chewie after he was forced to remove METAL ARMOUR in a hurry!" Chewie told them, folding his arms across his chest and giving his best mighty frown.

Leensa whooped, laughing so hard she was in pain, falling off the chair and onto the wooden floor.

Rae was face first on the table, trying to rub tears from her eyes as she laughed and laughed.

"So no. No naga!" Chewie said firmly.

Leensa was having trouble breathing. "How-How about elf ghosts?"

"Wat?" He asked and then grimaced. "Haunted house repeat? I don't think so!"

"Ghost in the boudoir!" Rae cackled.

"Chewie - three sheets to the wind!" Leensa managed, trying to get up.

Chewie sighed. "I don't know why I put up with you two."

"Good whisky?" Leensa said, holding her stomach as a few snickers and chuckles escaped. She had to work very hard to not look at either the shaman or her paladin sister. She finally conquered the chair and managed to sit down once more, still listing as the odd snicker escaped.

"Good company!" Rae corrected.

"Healing." Leensa added.

"Mayhem." Rae supplied.

"FUN!" they both said together.

Chewie just looked up like the roof or sky had the answers he needed.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

[WoW Fanfiction] An Interlude with Miss Lola, Xanza and Zealtor

Miss Lola loved visiting Xanza in the tropics. What had started off as a simple hut Xanza had built herself had slowly been turned into a multistory, multiroom, construct. It looked like a Blood Elf had taken Blood Elf design and used Troll materials; which was pretty much what had happened. Best of all, neither of the occupants cared if she snacked on the wood, they'd both made sure to use nothing poisonous in their home.

She could hear Chipper barking that she had arrived on their doorstep. She and Xanza said in almost the same breath "Be quiet, Chipper!"

Chipper made a humphing noise, and Miss Lola could see him circling in his bed before he landed with a grumpy flumpf.

"Miss Lola!" Xanza said from the kitchen, "This is bein' a marvelous surprise! What's bringing you here, darlin'?" She didn't give the white rabbit a chance to answer, "I just got some fresh bananas, would you be likin' some?"

Well, that was just a silly question. "Yes, please." She remembered her away manners. Her humom was always going on about being polite got you second servings.

"C'mon then!" Xanza led her into the kitchen.

The kitchen was a marvel of modern design, with all the controls warded so only one person could use them. The last time Zealtor had tried to make a snack, he'd almost burned down the house. The paladin in question was sitting at the much loved and abused kitchen table with his armour spread across it. He was fiddling with buckles and leather straps. Miss Lola thought he looked very silly with the tip of his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he worked. Zealtor absently patted her as she put her front paws on the edge of his chair to see what he was doing.

"If I adjust the strap and buckle system to that used by Erilen Silverlight in the fourth campaign of Blacklight, I can get my armour on .6 seconds faster in case of emergency," Zealtor explained as he waved a snippy type tool about in the air.

Lola wasn't quite sure what difference .6 seconds would make. Unless.. "Is that per piece or overall?" She asked, curious, as Xanza puttered about.

"Overall. I was thinking if I tried Feylewae Emberbane's method, I could get a more significant speed upgrade of .9 seconds, but I haven't figured out what leather she was using and a leatherworker who can make it."

"The mess is in the details." Lola sympathized.

"Always is!" Zealtor agreed as Xanza put down a glass of water for him and a bowl of nuts. Xanza then put a bowl of hay with blueberries and banana chunks mixed in. Miss Lola could even scent extra herbs. There were many reasons she liked visiting the priestess! She immediately stuck her nose in the bowl and didn't come up again for several minutes.

"You look like you were busy this morning!" Miss Lola said. She'd been taught it was rude to point out people looked tired and she didn't want to be rude to someone who gave her bananas.

"Oh, we has a murloc incursion just before the dawn, so we were fightin' that off, and then I was of renewin' all the village wards. Just got back in when you be arrivin'."

Miss Lola looked at the mess of armour and gear Zealtor must have made in the minutes between 'just got back' and her arrival and was impressed. Even she couldn't make THAT much of a mess that fast.

Xanza drank her coffee and stole nuts from Zealtor's bowl as the three ate in companionable silence. Miss Lola didn't understand two feets obsession with the dark bitter drink, but it did make them a lot easier to be around.

After Miss Lola was finished and more than ready for a nap, Xanza perked up, "What was bringin' you to our doorstep anyway, darlin'?"

"OH! Shevaun wanted you to help her quell an uprising at the Violet Citadel. Apparently, there was a jail break."

"Again?" Xanza rolled her eyes. She then looked at the window at the sun, a couple of hours had passed since Miss Lola had initially arrived.  "Ah well, she either been beatin' it, or a bear skin rug by now. Woulda ya be likin' a pillow on the porch to sleep on?"

* * *

Meanwhile in the Violet Citadel..

Shevaun, in bear form, lay flat on her stomach, limbs akimbo. Leensa and Raelanaa lay against her, fanning themselves, while Grunto and Chewie slumped nearby. Bits of demon, warlock and other best undescribed bits of bodies was spread all around them.

"When I find Xanza, I am going to KILL her." muttered the bear.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

[WoW Fiction] Three Tauren and two Elves walk into a dungeon..

Shevaun was sitting in The Legerdemain Lounge, drinking coffee, and doing a watercolour of a goblin's best invention - the coffee press.  There was a high elf in the corner butchering something on the harp. She was pretty sure it'd be more enjoyable if he knew what rhythm was. His knowing how to tune his harp would probably also help the matter. She winced as he hit a sour note. Perhaps Elves liked that sort of thing, although there didn't seem to be another one in the cafĂ© at the moment. Early afternoon was typically the slow time, which was why she was here.

Her musing was disrupted by a bunny grabbing her pant leg and tugging.

Shevaun looked down to see a mid-sized white rabbit with chocolate frosting on ears and nose trying to get her attention. "Yes, Speedy?" Now that she brought her attention around from trying to ignore the unmusic and focus on painting, there did seem to be some excitement going on in Dalaran east.

"The Kirin Tor requests your assistance with a break-out from the Violet Citadel."

"Again?" Shevaun asked, eye-ridges raising.

"Well, there may have been some discussion that since you and your troops settled the matter last time.." Speedy scratched his chin bone with the claws of his hindfoot.

Shevaun sighed, standing. She picked up her paints and pad and handed them over to the barista. "Hang onto those for me, please!"

"Do I even have any troops available?" Shevaun asked Speedy. The rabbits, the best messenger and courier service of the realms, always knew where everyone was.

"Well, yes and no. Sort of." Speedy skirted around the answer.

The druidess and leader of mavericks winced.

* * *

The trio of trouble, as Leensa had started calling the group, were standing on the landing platform watching the Kirin Tor guards rush about like their hair was on fire. "Why are they all human?" Chewie asked.

"There're a few high elves," Raelanaa replied as she made a face at the mention of the idiot high elves. That lot were more concerned with their boots than their brains. "But once the Horde got tossed from Dalaran, a lot of the regulars hightailed it off to other positions. They didn't want to associate with a supposedly neutral organization that was no longer neutral." The paladin finished up.

Leensa nodded, "Jaina kinda shot an arrow into her own knee with that one."

"Morons." agreed Raelanna.

"Idiots." replied Leensa.

It devolved from there.

"Jerk faces."

"Empty heads."

"Pudding brains."


Chewie was saved from the sisters' contest on who could come up with the better description of the Kirin Tor's policies by their fearless leader pounding up the stairs. "You're still here, good. Violet Citadel is under attack."

"Wat?" said Chewie.

"Again?" Leensa asked.

"That's what I said," Shevaun grumbled, tossing her mane in irritation.

"Who puts a jail in the middle of their city??" Rae asked, readying weaponry.

"The Kirin Tor, that's who. Don't look at me; I'm just a bear, not an architect." Shevaun replied before turning to run back the way she'd come up. The trio quickly followed suit.  After the stairs, she skittered around a pillar and onto the street. Cobblestones and hooves did not mix. She shifted to cat form as Chewie became a wolf. They high-tailed it towards the hold, leaving the paladins trying to catch up.

"When I figure out who convinced the light that paladins don't need to occasionally run faster, I will stab them in the eye with a fork," Rae grumbled as she put forth her best speed.

Leensa wasn't as fast as her sister, possibly all the extra armour. "Why a fork, sister?"

"Because it'll hurt more." Rae snapped.

* * *

Shev came to a skidding stop next to a large Tauren who was busy talking to two Tauren ladies. The topic of discussion seemed to be the difference between the elementals mages summoned and those shaman communed with.  All of them seemed completely oblivious to the chaos around them. People were rushing this way and that, there was fel explosions against the shield that had been cast over the citadel, and there was just general noise and mayhem coming from the prison.

The druid and the shaman shifted back to their true forms in sync, each grabbing an arm of the large male Tauren, and lifted their compatriot off the ground to start hauling him to the hold. "Write him a letter!" Shevuan told the mystified ladies.

"Write him two!" Chewie called with a jaunty wave of his free hand.

"Uh." Grunto managed, trying to peer over his shoulder to see where he was going.

"Some shmoe named Lord Malgrath has decided to break the prisoners out of the hold. The guard has managed to lock them in, but it won't last. We're going in to clean up the mess."

"Again?" Grunto asked with mild amusement.

The two paladins caught up at this point. "That's what I said!" Rae declared.

"Did you get anywhere with those two?" Leensa asked, gesturing over her shoulder at the ladies in question.

"Possibly." He answered with a slight smile.

"You weight a ton. "Chewie said, dropping his half of Grunto, causing Shevaun to stumble and shoot the shaman a death look. Chewie gave their leader his best winning smile as they arrived into the courtyard of the citadel.

"Well. Bugger." Raelanaa said succinctly as they watched the guard and mages run around like a bunch of headless chickens.

"This is why they outsource," Leensa observed.

"Thank the light for us!" Rae agreed.

Shevaun sighed again and ignored the sisters. Really, it was just for the best that she did.

Marching up to Lieutenant Sinclari, the druid let her know they were ready to assist. The mage seemed more than happy to dump the circus of monkeys into Shevaun's lap.

"So, uh, what's the plan?" Grunto asked.

"We hit things until they apologize and go back to their cells," Chewie replied.

"Good plan." Grunto agreed.

Sinclari opened the massive doors, "Hurry, I can't hold open the way for long!" The doors opened to reveal a typical Kirin Tor purple magic shield.

They dashed through, Sinclari close on their heels, the shield closing up behind them. "My men are within. I need to get them out. Hold off the demons and Lord Malgath as long as you can!"

"Hold him off?" Rae scoffed, "We're going to send him back to the nether realm in bits."

"Small, small, battered bits," Leensa added.

"So he's a fish?" Rae asked her sister, nose wrinkled.

"Wat?" Chewie asked, wondering if the blood elves had finally lost their remaining marbles.

"Focus, people!" Shevaun said, shifting into an enormous and well-armoured bear.

"Where does the armour come from?"

"How do you gain mass?"

"If you lose fur, do you lose skin when you change back or do you lose some of your mane?"

Shevaun ignored them and chose to wade into a group of demons as the safer option. Grunto and Chewie weren't far behind.

"Some people have no appreciation for inquiring minds." Leensa huffed.