Tuesday, November 24, 2015

[WoW Fanfiction] Fryttz the Hunter and Leensa the Paladin.

(I probably got lore wrong and Fryttz was written without warning or permission.)

Leensa sat with her feet up on the desk much abused desk, chewing on the blindweed as she worked her way through a thick book called "Savage Passions." She was in half-armour, her boots were scuffed, her hair was in a rough ponytail, and she was the basic epitome of a blood elf who had been stuck in the back of beyond for four years.

"Is that really suitable for a paladin?" Ruag asked from the other side of the desk. He'd been stuck working on the quartermaster's invoices all day. Why should the elf get to read a book? It was probably all about twiggy elf sex anyway.

"I'm a Paladin, not dead," She replied, without looking up. She licked a finger and turned over a page. "Do Orcs really have three.."

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" Ruag bellowed, cutting her off.

Leensa smirked to herself.

"Orcs don't mate with twiggy elves anyway." Ruag then grumbled as the silence dragged on.

It was so easy to get his goat. "Isn't Commander Crystalsong married to an Orc?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows over the top of the book.

"She was. But he died of shame or something. A shaman of repute married to .. to .." He couldn't even say it, settling instead for a low growl.

Leensa actually snickered. "Don't worry, Ru, your virtue is safe with me."

"I should think so!" he said stiffly before turning back to the scribbled writing of his quartermaster. He was actually starting to think of hiring a goblin to do this all for him. He'd probably break even after the grafting.

Leensa was still making amused noises when the alarm bell started ringing at high velocity. It was more than loud enough to knock the dead from their graves.

"THE DARK PORTAL IS OPENING!" A grunt yelled from the entrance to the inn.

The blood elf and the orc commander shared a confused look. "The dark portal has been open for years," Leensa said, putting the book down and getting to her feet. The one good thing about being at an orc outpost was sturdy furniture, she could abuse it any which way and no one would care or notice.

"Go find out what that idiot is on about," Ru ordered.

"Aye, Aye, Cap'n!" She said with a sloppy salute before jogging around the desk, absently jumping over a pile of papers.

"COMMANDER!" he roared after her. Good help was so hard to find. "STOP DEMOTING ME!"

* * *

"Hey, Zuuel!" Leensa called as she saw the grunt alerting the stables. She looked up at the bell and wished it would shut up. Would it be wrong to pray for the silence of an alarm bell? The thing was rattling her teeth in her head. "The portal's been open forever!" She occasionally went out to the blasted lands for a drink and to taunt the alliance, after all.

"NEW portal!" he blathered, "Fel Orcs are pouring out! Every outpost is being called up!" He panted, turning on his heel and running for the shaman's hut.

Leensa said several un-paladin-like words. Her hippogryph was already shaking loose of its stall. They'd been together since Ragnaros had tried to take over the world. What now?  It grabbed it's saddle in its mouth and dropped it at Leensa's feet. Apparently it heard battle and didn't want her bareback.

"Right, let's see if I remember how this all goes.." It had been a lot of years since she'd fought from saddleback. Her mount let out several grumbles and rolled it's eyes, fluffing sparking feathers. "I could just summon my steed, you know," She told him. That got her a glare and a beak snap. "Right, he can't fly and is afraid of heights." Her hippogryph harumphed.

One of the outpost kids showed up with her armour and weaponry. She tossed him a gold coin, she didn't feel like fishing around for a supposedly more appropriate amount. Let the kid's mother yell at her later for overpaying. The kid was so enthusiastic he helped her into the armour. Normally she'd just wriggle and wiggle like a pole dancer to get into it. A second pair of hands meant everything was in place and proper in half the time. She gave him another gold and told him to keep his head down as she swung into the saddle.

Her mount let out a war-screech and launched into the sky. Half the outpost was already mounted and starting the run towards the portal. She looked at their numbers with a pang, they were at best at third strength. They'd sent some of their best warriors off to Orgrimmar to help Vol'Jin and they'd never come back. Who'd have thought the portal would do strange things NOW?

Wings beating strongly, the hippogryph headed towards the battle at top speed and enthusiasm. She guessed he'd been getting as bored as she had. But boredom was always better than war.

The battlefield wasn't hard to find, it looked like they were being slaughtered down there. The only blessing seemed to be the invaders didn't seem to have the flying mounts that the elite of the Horde did. Were there humans down there? Had the Alliance actually gotten their heads out of their asses enough to work with the Horde? There was hope for anything if that was true.

She joined the circling mass, then nudged her hippogryph to head to the ground. He took a steep circling dive. With a whispered word to the light, she blasted the enemy forces that were converging on a small squad of orcs. Her dive off her mount turned into a somersault as she landed in the midst of them. Two were already down on the ground, struggling to get up. She knocked their weapons aside with her foot before they could get any bright ideas and knelt on the ground. Her hands glowed with the healing power of the light as she whistled for her mount.

Showing about as much respect for the battling orcs, green and brown, it landed, batting foes aside, snapping through the leg of one with a beak snap. A wing beat broke a neck. Leensa heaved one of the injured orcs up onto his back. "Get him behind the lines!" she ordered. Her hippogryph growled at her. "I'll be FINE. I can summon Brightmane if I have to!"

His opinion of THAT was given in a shower of sparking feathers as he launched off the ground, his hind hooves missing her head by inches. The show would have been more fruitful if she'd still been paying attention, she'd already moved on to her next patient.

She didn't notice when it was that she'd sent the last of the group off back behind the roughly forming lines, just that she was suddenly surrounded by a seething mass of fel orcs and her mace wasn't doing nearly enough damage. "Should have paid more attention to martial classes," she muttered to herself as she blocked an axe with her shield. Perhaps it was time for a strategic retreat. It looked like their side at least had more bodies in play than on the ground.  The fel orc strategy seemed, as always, to build bulwarks with the corpses of their fallen and to climb over them.

She was startled by a shower of gore from behind her, "PAY ATTENTION, ELF!" came a gravelly shout from behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see a fel orc falling and a second one explode as a large bullet hit it in the neck. A Forsaken swung his gun with enthusiasm to smack another orc aside with the butt.

"I am paying attention!" She shouted back, before grabbing the nearest green orc and throwing her arm over her shoulder and hauling the wounded woman upright. "Now cover me!"

"What did your last servant die of?!" Growled the Forsaken as he fired blasts into the wave of fel orcs heading at them.

"I don't know!" Leensa growled right back, "What caused your death?"

"Arthas!" The hunter growled, scowling at her before barely aiming around her as she caught up with him as he fell back from the teaming mass of the enemy.

"Oh! Then maybe we're family!" She snarled. Orc blood was dripping in her armour and itchy. It might have been making her cranky. Where the hell were all these orcs coming from?!

"These Orcs are all wrong!" The hunter growled as he grabbed the orc warrior off Leensa's shoulder and tossed her over his own.  A wolf leapt over his shoulder to take down a fel orc that was about to strike him down. "Good wolf." The hunter said, almost as an after-thought.

Leensa grabbed another orc, healing as she dragged. "Where are they all coming from?" she felt she'd asked this before.

"The big portal over there!" The hunter replied, dropping the injured orc amongst the other injured.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Leensa muttered. She looked at him, "You're injured."

The hunter didn't even glance down, "I'm fine."

"Oh for the love of the sun; let me heal you." Leensa snapped at him. She didn't have time for the macho nonsense.

"How does one heal the dead?" The hollow voice seemed almost philosophical.

"I just ask the light and the light figures it out. Not my department." Leena grabbed his arm before he could get out of range.

"Shouldn't you know the hows and whys of your powers you wield?" he asked, turning eyes down at her.

"I'm Leensa Brightblade, by the way," She said, ignoring the question.

"Fryttz." He said, watching as the ichor dripping wound in his side was woven back together by a soft yellow glow.

"Weren't you the one who --" she started to ask.

"I don't want to talk about it." he interrupted.

"Right," Leensa said looking back to the battlefield. "Are we even pushing them back?"

"Sort of." Frytzz gazed over the field, "We're outnumbered only five to one now. They haven't a chance."

The paladin let out a long sigh.

Fryttz's wolf appeared, carrying the better part of a brown orc leg in its mouth.

"Good girl. Drop." came the order from her master. The wolf whined softly but dropped it on the ground with a meaty shlunk. Then hunter then strode over the bodies of the injured and dying to rejoin the chaotic battle.

Leensa debated for half a heartbeat, but the shamans seemed to have everything behind the lines in hand and so jogged to catch up with Fryttz.

"You're still here?" he grumbled.

"You need me, what if you get injured?" She said with an overly bright, if false, smile.

"The only reason I've been injured so far is because you don't pay attention to your surroundings. " He grumbled, firing a scattered shot into the writhing mass of Fel Orcs.

"And the least I can do is heal you for it!" Leensa replied as she brought the power of the light down on an orc's head.

"STORM THE PORTAL!" a human voice called from behind them.

"Is he frelling kidding?!" Leena yelped, ducking an orc's axe

Fryttz didn't answer, just easily moved with the tide that surged forward, leaving the paladin to scramble to keep up.

"Follow Thrall, what could go wrong?" Leensa muttered to herself as she grabbed a troll who had stumbled and gave them a blessing as the horde and alliance both streamed forward.

"Do you ever stop complaining?" Fryttz asked just before they reached the gaping maw of the portal.

Leensa shook her head, "Not that I've ever noticed, no."

"Great." He muttered jumping through, Leensa hard on his heels.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

[WoW Fanfiction] Letömi and Imogen visit the South Seas.

Tanla stifled a yawn with one hand, the other carrying the tome she was nose deep in. It was another gloriously sunny day in the south seas and the goblins had promised to get her some charged mana dust; at a reasonable fee, of course. Breakfast while lying in a hammock, swaying in the breeze sounded like a good way to start the day. Her studying of the exponentiation costs of energy vs the size of the portal was interrupted by the sound of happy barking.

The arcane mage looked up, over her book, to see a fellow blood elf apparently playing fetch with a frostwolf puppy. Said elf was lying in the hammock adjacent to Tanla's usual. She threw a ball and with happy barks and bounds the puppy jumped into the water, swam to the ball, and brought it back. "Drop!" came the firm command as a soggy, slightly drooly, ball was dropped into the death knight's hand. The death hollow of her voice gave her away. "Are you going to stand there all day?"

It took a moment for Tanla to realize she was being addressed. "I was just surprised to see someone from home here," Tanla said, walking over, shutting the book closed carefully. Wouldn't do to get sea water or dog drool on it. As she closed in and blue eyes turned to her, Tanla recognized the face before her. "Lady Letömi."

The leader of the irregulars of the Horde forces gave Tanla a salute. "In the flesh."

Considering the death knight was wearing a bikini, quite a bit of flesh. "Can you even tan?" she asked, artlessly.

Letömi snorted, "No, but on the plus side, I don't sunburn without a lot of effort either."  Her puppy returned with the soggy ball. "Drop!" The ball was dropped into her outstretched hand. "Good girl." She gave the wiggly tailed dog another pet, "Fetch, Imogen!" she ordered, throwing the ball again. "She can keep it up all day. I'm thinking of hiring one of the Goblins to take over when my arm wears out."

Tanla raised an eyebrow. "Having seen you in action, I don't think that's too likely. You cut through Garrosh's forces fairly handily."

Letömi waved a hand in lazy negation. "Badly trained, over-compensating, under-brained, probably Sha infested, Orcs, have nothing on Imogen's stamina ."

Tanla gave a shrug and sat down on the other hammock. "So, what're you doing here? Vacation in the middle of the war?" Somehow, it seemed unlikely.

"Oh, of course not. I was sent her to find you. Apparently the 'sexual harassment' complaints were due to lack of follow through, not due to their happening, and you've been rehired." There was a smirk on Letömi's face.

Tanla's eyes narrowed as she leaned back to lie down on the netting. "Oh, I have, have I? I'm just supposed to come running as soon as Vol'jin calls? I don't think so."

"I was supposed to mention Khadgar also apologized for Jaina's behavior."

"Fatuous bitch." Tanla grumbled, "Let her apologize for her own behavior."

"Yeah, that'll happen." Both Blood Elves rolled their eyes. They rocked in their hammocks to the sounds of a splashing frostwolf puppy for a while. "Anyway - it's going to take me at least a couple weeks to find you, so you have plenty of time to think about it. I hear you'll get twice your pay."

"Oh yippee." She made more money from enchantment than she ever did working for the Horde. In fact, when you considered all the costs of a campaign, she lost money. She should really start invoicing Vol'jin for the damages done to her wardrobe.

"Drop!" she ordered to Imogen, "NO!" was quickly added  as Imogen let out a good shake. Water and fur went everywhere. Letömi sighed. "It's a work in progress." She picked up a towel and started wiping off fur and water. A whimper came from Imogen. "Not until I'm dry. Then I'll think about it." A second whimper turned into a whine as Imogen dropped to all fours and gave the sad puppy face. Another sigh from her mistress.

Tanla closed her eyes, she could hear Imogen's tail whumping against the ground in abject misery. "Do you really think they'll believe it took you two weeks to find me?"

"Who's gonna argue? It's a nice place you've got here. How'd you find it?"

"I went into Goblintown, I asked what family business is in direct competition with Gazlowe's family and went and saw what they had. Part of their empire is this resort, so here I am."

Letömi chuckled, "Vicious." She rolled over and looked down at Imogen. "Are you going to do that again?" Sad puppy face answered her. "Of course you are." Letömi shook her head and threw the ball, "Fetch!"  Imogen went bouncing off in wolfy glee. "So, what was it like being married to an Orc?"

Tanla let a slow grin cross her face. "Primal."