Saturday, July 21, 2012

[Cat Story] Dusty's Angel.

The human's were up to something, he just wasn't quite sure what. He tried to get in the backdoor but the male human shoved him back out with a foot. Dusty danced back and away; the male was known to follow such up with a real kick sometimes. The soft smoke-cream cat circled around to see if the female human was about, he could scent and hear her well enough.

"We could sneak him in.." she was saying.

"No, we couldn't." The male said, using that angry tone he used so often. "Besides, we'd just get evicted if they found him. I'm not losing the new place 'cause of a cat."

"But.." she protested.

He overroad her, "He's a cat, he can take care of himself just fine. Plenty of cats do." He looked out the door to see Dusty looking around and slammed the door shut, "Use the front." the male said, voice muffled.

Dusty meowed at the door hopefully a few times, pacing back and forth before meowing a bit more plaintively. He jumped down from the steps and padded around to the front of the house where that door was open. He knew better than to approach it, the male got very angry if Dusty came in through that door. Dusty wasn't quite sure why, the male had some very strange rules.

He watched the humans for a while as they carried things in and out before yawning an impressive display of teeth and flomping down in the weed filled grass for a nap.

A crack of thunder woke him up. He looked around but the humans were gone, the door closed. They came and went regularly, they'd be back. He stretched and shook his head and was making a casual stroll when a fat plop of rain hit him square in the middle of the head. A mreow of irritation and he high tailed it back to the porch.

His bowls weren't there, he looked around to see if one of the small two foots had knocked it off again, but all there was beside the steps was a pile of kibble and an old plastic pail that was cracked and missing a chunk at the top, holding water.  As there was plenty of water falling from the sky and he didn't particularly want to be coated in the stuff, he curled up where the mat used to be and waited out the deluge.

He woke up again to a struggling sunset. A yawn and stretch to warm up the muscles and he looked down at his pile of food once more, hopping to the ground. It was rather soggy from the rain, but still edible. Not as good as when the female snuck gravy onto his kibble, of course, but not bad.  He took some licks from the water, a flick of the tail at the rain flavouring before walking back up to the door to be let in for the night.

He paced a few times, apparently his humans still weren't home.

With a resigned sigh he walked across the yard to his favourite tree and scrambled up. The bark was a bit soggy but the leaves would at least would block some of the wind that was picking up. Not particularly tired but incredibly bored, Dusty stretched out on the tree and eventually fell asleep once more.

* * *

The days that followed had the same pattern, he'd go up to the door and meow for his humans to let him in, but they never answered. The food pile hadn't lasted long, the second rain storm had made it inedible mush. At least the water bucket refilled from the sky even if it tasted kinda yucky. He'd learned if he was stealthy enough that he could steal some food from the other cats in the neighbourhood. He was chased off more than once by the well fed cats who were justifiably protective of their food and luxuries. Each night Dusty retreated to his tree, watching the house before falling asleep, tummy most unhappy with him.

After a while, some of the neighbourhood humans started leaving food out for him, but none would let him in their houses. The other cats just started ignoring him if he stayed away from THEIR bowls. Occassionally the small two feet would pet him, one lady spoke to him at length while petting him, but they didn't take him inside either.

It was a sunny day after a stretch of sunny days when the house finally made noises. Dusty's ears perked up in his sleep before his eyes opened. His humans were home! He could even hear his little two feet! He bounded down the tree and to the back door that was finally open and went into the house. His bowl wasn't where it should be, yet. But that's okay, his humans were back!

He sniffed around, the place smelled stale, but the humans smelt wrong. A female human, smaller than the last one, stopped as she walked into the kitchen and lookd down at him. "Mike? Did you order a cat?"

"What?" Came the irritated sounding reply. The male didn't sound as angry as the previous male, but Dusty had been taught to be wary. There was a thud and the male came into the kitchen. "Nice cat, whose is it?"

Dusty knew the words 'nice cat', that meant a treat was coming soon! He sat up, pawing the air as his female had liked.

"Okay, that's cute." The female said, putting the box down on the counter. "Joe, grab the cooler will you?" she called down the hall.

Dusty dropped back to all fours and meowed as he heard the running of a little two foot, dragging one of those soft cold-bags behind him. "Here!" he said hauling it over to the female.

"Are you giving him our lunch?" The male asked sounding more amused.

"Well, part of MINE anyway." The female said, digging through the bag and pulling out a delightful smelling thing surrounded in bread. She opened the bread to reveal tuna!  "I don't have a bowl.." She walked past Dusty and out onto the step, "Make your mess out here, cat."

The male sighed, "Are we keeping him? I'm allergic.."

"Nono, just feeding him. Looks like he hasn't eaten in a week!" The female replied, digging green bits out from the yummy smelling stuff before putting the yummy down. "Mayo won't harm him, will it?"

"Better hope not," The male observed, sounding even more amused still, as Dusty wolfed down the tuna.

"Mmm." She pet the fur and gave him a scritch behind the ear, "Well, we'll find your owner." She told him, leaving him to his treat as she went back to carrying things. One of the small two foots came out to pet him and tell him he was a pretty kitty. Dusty liked the small ones, they tended to have interesting things to lick off their hands. Well, the not-mean ones anyway.

With a full tummy, Dusty retreated to his tree for a nice long snooze, happy that even if his humans hadn't come back, some nice ones had taken their place.

When he awoke the next morning there was a bowl of kibble and a bowl of water waiting for him. He pounced on it, purring happily. He saw the female looking out the back window at him, seeming happy. "We're not keeping him!" the male announced.

"I know." Said the female, a little wistfully.

Dusty flicked his ear as he listened to the muffled conversation. Then the door opened and a different small two foot came out. "Cat!" and started to pet him before fetching a piece of paper to ball up and bat with him. Dusty played until he was yawning and tried to come in. "Mom says no, allergies and all that." the small one explained as he pushed Dusty away.

"Wash your hands before you touch your eyes!" the female human ordered.

Dusty let out an internal sigh. He missed his house and his soft bed but dutifully retreated to his tree.

The next few days followed the same pattern. Sometimes the humans would come out to the back and let him sit with them in the evenings, sometimes they'd play, but there was always food and clean water.  One morning the female human was waiting for him with a yummy smelling something. "Since you probably have worms, Mr Scrawny Cat." she said and held up a thin tube. He was more than happy to lick the pink stuff out of it. He didn't know what it was, but boy did it taste good!

She then dabbed his fur in several places. "And that should take care of fleas." She gave him long strokes of petting as he purred and rubbed against her. "I'm only doing this so you don't transfer your parasites to the boys, if Mike asks."

Dusty didn't think the male human, who would sneak him as many treats as the rest of the new two foots and claim dislike, would ask him much of anything but meowed an agreement anyway.

She pet him again and stood up, "And I suppose I better go be a responsible adult." she muttered as she went in. Dusty knew better than to even try for the inside now. He sat on the doorstep for a while, but it seemed everyone was too busy for him, so he hopped off the steps and decided to go visit the neighbours. Some of the cats, now that he had his own humans again, were being much friendlier since he was no longer a threat.

A week turned into two, and as the weather started getting cooler, a little house appeared on the back porch, with a pillow inside. He heard the female and male discussing it, both claiming no association with a house or the pillow that had appeared in it. Dusty was more than happy to curl up inside. At some point, a small teddy bear that smelled of one of the small two foots also appeared for him to use as a pillow.

It was a nice sunrise when he left his house with a yawn and long stretch, moving to wait patiently by the door for the female to come pet, play with, and feed him. She still didn't let him in the house, but she'd come a long way. He still had hope that she'd get trained yet.

Fric'n'Frac Report!

Some of you may remember the brothers Fric and Frac. For those that don't I'll give the brief recap! These two were romping around a park when a bunny person found them and took them in. This lady already had a lot on her plate dealing with cancer and an ill husband and a houseful of furries. She asked for help a few times but got crickets. Finally she had to say "They're ill, they're more than I can handle, I'm taking them to a shelter."  Lisa stepped in and took them in. She got them medical treatment, she got them neutered, she got them back to being furry happy destructo-buns. I said I'd foster them. So, they got on a plane (eventually ;) and I picked them up at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport and they came home with me.

Sage was LESS than pleased. Frac was a love bug. All he wanted to do was sit in your lap and be pet and stroked and loved. He would tooth purr away. Fric, however, was quite feral. I donated blood to him more than once. I had passed the word that I had them, they were definitely beyond my bunny experience level and my patience limit. (People who re-socialize any animal, whether, cat, rabbit or cow, deserve medals and financial rewards.) A lady who worked at the vet clinic said her sister wanted rabbits, I cautioned that Fric was a handful. Her sister came round and fell in love with Frac, so off they went. Fric went absolutely bezerk. I ended up getting in contact with her and asking her if she'd possibly consider taking Fric too, or if she could return Frac. She said she'd take Fric.

I visted twice (once to drop off Fric, once to drop off a gift box from Lisa) and she seemed quite smitten with them.. So imagine my surprise when Amy contacts me to say Whisky, Tango, Foxtrot, Fric and Frac are in the SPCA's system! I went to look, and sure enough, there they were.

I didn't have the resources to bail them out. I wasn't allowed pets in my condo at that point, I hadn't rabbit proofed anything, and I could barely feed myself.. keeping a rabbit fed would be a challenge, let alone two. They were at the education centre in PoCo and we decided that was as good a place as any bunny could really be. We asked the SPCA to let us know if they'd be euthanized and left it there.

I was talking about them today with He Who Shall Remain Nameless and decided to do a search. And guess what?!

Frick & Frack   

ID: Frick & Frack 


These boys were surrendered by their previous owner together because they were unable to care for them.
The staff and volunteers here at the centre think they’re pretty great! They are a very social and loving pair who LOVE their veggies.
They love each other very much and need to go to a home together.

Yay!! They were adopted and no longer in "the system!" I dunno who worked what miracle to make them so loving and social, but I'm glad they did! I'm still miffed at whatever-her-name-was that she didn't .. oh, I don't know, PHONE ME, when she had to give them up. I'm not sure what I could have done, depending on when it happened, but I'm pretty sure I could have at least TRIED to find them a foster home or something.

But all's well that end's well, right??

Two bunny boys have found their furever homes.. FINALLY!

Friday, July 20, 2012

[Bunny/Cat Fiction] Salmon, Carrots and Pineapple, oh my!

Mr Mick was trying a new sleeping position when he heard the closet door open. He rolled off his back, where he'd been trying the 'dead possum float' and onto his front to see Weasley hop down the hall with the new friend he'd mentioned he was bringing.

Mr Mick bolted up onto all fours, ears flattened, growling. "THAT. IS. A. CAT."

Weasley blinked his clouded eyes a couple of times, nictitating membrane giving them a brief jewelled impression of clouded sparkle. "That explains the fish smell." The blind rabbit said amiably.

"Yes, I am a cat!" Katie sat down on her rear, wrapping tail around her paws in what she knew was her 'too cute to resist petting' pose.

"You brought a CAT into my house!" Mr Mick said with a thump. "After what they did to Speedy!"

"I didn't do anything to Speedy!" Katie protested, and then turned to Weasley, "What's a Speedy?"

Weasley sighed, "Speedy is a friend of ours who was attacked by a cat. He's okay now, but it was kinda scary for a while there."

"Oh." Katie groomed a paw and ignored the bristling bunny. "Well, *I* didn't do that!"

"Doesn't matter, you're a C-A-T!" Mickey retorted with stubborn illogic.

"Did you eat Mr Macgregor's carrots?" Katie asked, peering down at the lop.


"Carrots?" Weasley asked, perking up.

"See! Exactly. I don't know Speedy, you don't know Mr Mac, so why don't we just get over this silly speciesist stuff and just go find something to eat?"

"Carrots?" Weasley repeated.

"Sure. Well, you can have my share. Carrots. Blech." Katie offered generously.

Mr Mick looked thoughtful, "What do cats eat?" He then glared at her, "BESIDES cute helpless bunnies!"

Katie put a paw to her chest, "*I* would never eat a bunny. You'd require far too much work to catch, and clean, and cook and .. Blarg. No thank you. I'll stick to the easily found and prepared cans of food." She twitched her tail, "Besides, its very bad manners to eat anyone you know the name of."

Both rabbits tilted their heads at that before shaking the thought back out of their heads. "Right. Food." Mr Mick said, deciding that he'd just think of her as his poor, malformed, unintelligent cousin. Which, pretty much, was what cats were, he supposed. Well, the non-vicious, rabbit chasing ones. He was pretty sure though, any cat that missed a meal would pounce on an innocent bunny in a heart beat. Stinking Cats.

Mickey hopped past the cat to the kitchen, "I dunno what we have that's cat edible." He said, "Tho I think we have some carrots in the pantry. Mom thinks they're out of reach."

All three had a snicker at that. Humans, so gullible.

Unfortunately, there may have been some truth to the bunny proofing, there was a wire lip on the shelves. "May I?" Katie asked in her politest tones.

"Uh, sure." Weasley said, not sure what the fuss was about.

"Oh, surprise us." Mickey said, prepared to be unimpressed.

Katie eyed the shelves, triangulating with a paw and her tail before she backed up and took a mighty leap, grabbing the wire with her front paws, and skittering her back paws to get her up and over the proofing. "Ha!" She says.

"That wasn't a bad jump." Mr Mick admitted, "Though, I could jump farther." He added.

Katie rolled her eyes, grabbed the carrots by the icky green bits and tossed them at the rabbit. She was kind of disappointed when he managed to get out of the way and not be hit on the head.

"You guys want anything else up here? There's goldfish crackers, some pineapple bits -"

"Oh! Yes, some of that!" Weasley said and found Katie managed to lob a small plastic package to just in front of him. "Good aim!" he admired.

"Thank you," she said. "Lots of practice, really."

"Mmmf." Mr Mick grumbled, splitting up some carrots before looking up at the cat, "Can you catch these if I toss 'em up? Don't want the mom getting smart.."

"Smart humans." Katie snorted. "Riiight." She turned, "Sure, toss 'em!"

Mick grabbed the carrots by the greens and tossed them up at her. She had to bat at them before she could grab them and put them mostly back where she found them. "Oh hey, you like this leafy green stuff too, right?"

"Yes please!" Weasley said. There wasn't much in the world that could be classified as both leafy and green that he didn't like.

Katie yanked out some of the stalks with their leaves, trying not to make a face at the taste as she tossed them over and down.

Mickey decided he should probably be nice to the cat, since they probably wouldn't have managed this raid without her. "What brings you here anyway?"

Katie sniffed, putting nose in the air. "My humom went out for dinner and didn't bring me any salmon home!"

The two rabbits blinked at each other. Well, Weasley blinked in Mr Mick's direction, anyway. "You like salmon?"

"Its one of my favourite fish!" she answered.

"I think we have some.." Mr Mick said, thinking. "Just have to remember which cupboard.." He looked up at the cat, "We've got enough, you can come down."

"Right-o." Katie said, bum wiggling before she pounced down onto the ground with an impressive thud. All three listened carefully to make sure any humans about didn't come investigate.

Hearing the coast was clear, Mick hopped to the cupboards on the far side of the kitchen and grabbed a door with his teeth, back pedaling to open it.

"Oooh. I wish I had your teeth!" Katie said, licking her's. Imagine how many things she could get into if she could grab properly!

"Well, claws do seem handy." Mr Mick offered reluctantly.

She padded over to see what was revealed.

"Here!" Mr Mick grabbed a wooden box with some sort of red and black fish on it, sniffing it. "I'm not sure if its any good tho, it says its been smoked."

"Smells good!" Katie said. She pawed at the box, "Uh, how do you open this thing?" She tilted her head one way and then the other. It didn't look like it needed a can opener -- which was probably a good thing since none of them had thumbs.

"Dunno." Mr Mick grabbed the box once more and hauled it over to Weasley, "Start working on getting into that," he told his buddy before hopping back to close the cupboard.

Katie wandered to watch Weasley's teeth make short work of the cedar. He then coughed and spluttered. "Gah! Flesh!" and backed up quick to grab a chunk of dried pineapple to get the taste out of his mouth.

Katie stuck her nose in the hole and purred loudly and happily, withdrawing head to replace it with paw to dig out a pile of salmon. "YUM!" She said, "Thank you, Mr Mickey." She said politely, giving the bunny a lick.

"GAH! Cat cooties!" Mr Mick protested as the sandpaper tongue grabbed at his fur.

"I do NOT have cooties!" Katie protested, "My humom gives me a pill to prevent cooties, thankyouverymuch."

"Sure. Whatever. Can we eat now?" Mickey asked.

Weasley looked up from where he'd been nomming on the parsley, "Er, sure?"

Mickey sighed the sigh of a very hard done bunny and decided he better dig in before Weasley got his fair share. Food tug of war was one of the best bunny games ever.

Katie flomped on her side having made her way through a pile of salmon half the size of her head. "Ohhh, I think I'm going to food coma for a week."

Weasley flomped on her other side, "That sounds good."

Mr Mick rolled his eyes at the flopping amateurs. He sighed and fell over onto his side with an impressive thump. He was the lop flopping champion.

"We should put the box back." He mumbled, not wanting to move.

"Mmurgh." Katie agreed with him, tail tip twitching, the rest of her not moving.

Weasley snorted, "Allow me." The other two watched with some amazement as the blind bunny grabbed the box and hauled it back to the right cupboard, got the cupboard open and shoved the box back in. He turned back to them, "I'm blind, not deaf and stupid!"

"Oh, so you're not a dog." Katie said.

Mick sniggered and then coughed. "Well.. I guess you're not so bad for a cat." He relented.

"Thank you," Katie replied primly. She thought she was pretty darn awesome for a cat, but she wasn't about to poke the being that had given her the salmon she'd been owed.

A car door slammed.

"Dangit! The Boy is home. Run for it!" Mr Mick scrambled on the kitchen floor before gaining traction and made a bee line for his enclosure.

Weasley darted past Katie, knowing Mick's home almost as well as he knew his own. "C'mon, closet!"

Katie bounded after him and helped him open and then close the closet door behind him. "How's this thing work, anyway?"

"You close the door, turn around a couple times and think of the bunny or place you need to be. But the bigger the closet the less accurate it is." Weasley explained as he quickly turned in place, nudging Katie with his nose to follow suit. The way in she'd humoured him, this time she took it a bit more seriously.

Weasley sniffed at the door once they stopped turning, "Smells like your home."

Katie took her own sniff, "It does too! Home with a lack of salmon. Hmph." She pushed open the closet door. "Hey, Weasley.. Thanks for inviting me out and the cheer up. I do feel better!"

Weasley smiled as much as a bunny could, "Always a pleasure to help a damsel in distress!" and pulled the closet door closed.

"What's a damsel?" The tuxedo cat wondered. She supposed she'd just have to Google it later .. if her Mom ever got off the computer, that is!

Farewell Amy Cat.

Those of you who are on my Facebook already know this -- but I finally had to give Amy Cat up. I was having trouble breathing, even with doing laundry and vacuuming, etc every day. We tried all sorts of things, additives to her food, additives to my food, daily grooming, vacuuming her, different foods, all sorts of things, unfortunately it got to the point where I had hives and trouble breathing in my sleep.

Trying to find somewhere to take her was an adventure in itself. Apparently it's "kitten season." I didn't realize there was a kitten season, similar to abandoned bunny season. (A couple months after Easter.) The local shelters had no room, the SPCA transferred around cats and kittens (so there's a balance of each at each shelter) and had room for her. So a $50 donation later, and I left the SPCA sniffling.. and not from allergies this time.

A few people have queried why I didn't have these troubles with Sage and Scout. (And various fosters who came through my home) The fact of it, as near as I can tell is, I lived in a home twice the size and only the bedroom had carpet. So it was easy to sweep up bunny fur.. and while Scout slept under my chin, they didn't roll around on the furniture like Amy Cat did. Sage did have a habit of sitting between the fan and me while I was sleeping so I'd wake up sneezing. (To which she'd then binky off the arm of the couch.. the little *&!@.) But I think Scout had a worse allergy to hay than I did. (She'd stick her head in the hay and start sneezing. The poor fuzzball.)

Will I get a rabbit? I don't think so. I MAY try fostering, but the fact of the matter is bunnies are expensive and I can't afford the vet care and bunny proofing and everything else that comes hand in paw with a bunny. 

Freddie Gerbil still seems a bit confused, he stuck his tail out of the cage this morning to wiggle it about and got no response. I think he may actually miss cat fishing.  I'm not sure what to do with him. He's obviously lonely, he does have a touch of arthritis, but a willow branch to chew on seems to have dealt with that, however, gerbils need to be bonded just like bunnies. The downside is that gerbils only live a year and a half, so I'd get Freddie bonded (probably) just in time for him to scarper off to heaven. And I'd need a second cage. 

In the non-fuzzy news, I have yet another MRI for my back and yet another appointment with a neurosurgeon. I'm not sure why, medical technology hasn't advanced far enough yet to help me. (I have a damaged nerve, keloid scar build up from surgery, arthritis and three bulged discs.) While they could do another discectomy .. I don't much see the point. But my GP seems to think its very important, so I just sigh and waste tax payer money. Who knows, maybe the neurosurgeon can at least come up with a better pain management plan because the current one is Not Working anymore.

In better news, the blistering hot 95F weather of the last couple weeks has turned back into rain. I love rain! (Best reason for living in a rain forest, I tells ya!) So I'm not quite the big bag of whining I have been. :)

*Nose Bonks and Ear Scritches*

Monday, July 16, 2012

[Bunny/Dog Fiction] Mr Mick and the Big dog.

(Mr Mick - Big Dog)

Mr Mick thumped the ground to get the dog's attention. The dog in question, a large, brown, pitbull cross, had his eyes srunched closed and his paws over his nose. "Foo' dog!" Mickey grumbled.

"You're not here!" the Big dog said.

Mick looked about and sighed. If he was going to stand in the mud and muck and put up with a serious lack of clover and dandelions the dog could at least have enough courtesy not to be crazy. "I am too here!" He grunted back.

"NO! I'm not allowed to chase bunnies. And you all just try to make me chase you!"

Mr Mick was a bit dumbfounded by that. Would would any rabbit want some big slobbering creature to chase them? Unless.. "Oh, do you mean those fluffheaded cottontails?" He asked.

"Bunnies are bunnies." Big whimpered, starting to open one eye and then thought better of it. "Master says I am most certainly NOT allowed to chase bunnies."

"I should think not!" Mick agreed. "But those are cottontails. They're just trouble on four legs. Do they wiggle their butts at you and giggle, trying to get you in trouble?"

"YES!" Big said.

"Am I doing either of those things?" Mr Mick asked, quite proud of his logic.

The dog opened one eye very cautiously, "No?"

"Right, I'm not." Mick agreed. Boy, dogs sure were dumb. Though, he supposed, it was probably a good thing they were unnaturally obediant or he'd be having this conversation from the top of a tree or something when the dog had chased him. "I am a *domestic* rabbit. I have domesticated humans to take care of my every whim and need. I am vastly superior to those silly flufftails."

Big opened the other eye and moved his front paws to be under his jowls. "My human is not very trained. He doesn't listen to me a lot." Big offered.

Mick shook his head. "Yes, I hate to say it, but you need to be cute to train humans effectively. While you are handsome," Well, not really, but buttering up the animal you wanted a favour from couldn't hurt, "You're not cute like a bunny."

"This is true." Big agreed. His ears were too small and his tail too long. Master complained about being hit with the tail. Perhaps if he had a fluffy tail he'd .. no, he'd heard humans complain about being hit by the fluffy tails of golden retrievers. Humans were sure hard to please sometimes!

"Anyway. I have a business propisition for you." Mr Mick continued. He'd wasted a great deal of clock getting this far in the conversation, he felt it rather unnecessary to waste more.

"You do?" Big asked warily. He might not chase this rabbit, but it didn't mean he was automatically going to trust it either. Everyone knew bunny rabbits were evil.. and its ears were hanging the wrong way, so it was obviously more evil than the average rabbit.

"Yes. I read your book. Quite enjoyed it. Chapter four was particularly tasty." Mr Mick said.

Big's brow furrowed at that. He wasn't quite sure how one went from reading to taste. Of course, he'd had to have the small human read it to him, he couldn't read. He didn't quite believe the rabbit could either. Everyone knew rabbits told tales.

"Anyway. So, my friend Speedy had a run in with a cat.."

"CAT!" Big exclaimed with a growl. Cats were worse than rabbits!

"Yes. Exactly how I feel about the feline persuasion." Mr Mick said with a nod, "So, I want to hire you to teach that foo cat a lesson."

Big blinked slowly. This felt like some sort of clever trap. "I'm not allowed to chase cats either." He said with a sigh.

"Seriously?!" Mick protested. "Are you going to let some dang human run your life?!"

"Yes." Big answered simply. "Well, mostly." He added with more honesty. "He gives good belly scritches and he needs me."

Mick sighed the sigh of the hard done by. "Well, I need you.." He tried.

"You're a rabbit. You have your own human." Big said with flawless canine logic.

Mick closed his eyes to mentally count carrots to get his blood pressure back down. "Now, look.."

"Nuh uh." Big said, yawning, "I'm not falling for bunny tricks. I'm not going to leave my chain without good reason."

Mick wasn't one to give up easily. "What's a good reason?" he asked.

"The humans are late and not going for their walkies like they should. The cows have wandered. The wandering cat is in my territory." The dog looked thoughtful, "And a bunch of other stuff, but I'm pretty sure 'Go walkies with a rabbit to chase a cat' isn't on the good reason list." He licked his chops, "Besides, why can't you chase it yourself?"

"Pffft, dang does already did THAT. I wanted to make a really BIG impression." Mick grumbled.

Big gave a doggie grin of approval at the pun on his name. "Well, you could bite its tail off." was Big's suggestion.

"Sounds terribly messy." Mick replied with a frown.

"Oh, well, cats ARE messy. Always leaving bits of things all over, hacking up goo and guts, digging in dirt, leaving food all over the place.. If you go cat hunting, you have to expect some mess!"

Mr Mick was starting to think this was all much more work that it was worth. "Well, if you were injured, what would make you feel better?"

"When I was injured, Master kept me company and talked to me and scritched me." Sort of.

"Huh." Mr Mick thought about it. "I could go gnaw me way through a game of dominos with Speedy."

Big nodded in approval, "Just let him cheat more."

"Cheat?" Mr Mick queried

"Rabbits cheat." Big grumbled. "All rabbits! Even those with pet humans!"

Mr Mick thought about being offended, but truth be told, the dog was probably right. Hey, when you were supposed to be at the bottom of the food chain, you scrambled to the top any way you could. "Y'know, your not so bad for a dog." Mr Mick offered.

"And you're not so evil for a rabbit." Big agreed.

Mr Mick yawned, and hopped back towards the shed he'd borrowed for the bunny transporter. "Well, I've generally it found a good idea to be polite to beings with sharp pointy teeth in a head the same size as you are."

Big sat up, looking very impressed. "Maybe domesticating rabbits ARE smarter than the ones in the fields." He said as watched the lop hop off. He then shook his head and gave the house a dirty look, his dinner was due soon and it didn't sound like his master was getting ready. Would he have to bark a reminder? He settled down in the dirt again, already plotting collar removal tactics. "I don't care how smart some rabbits are, they are tasty and going hunting for one instead of hunting that one would just be silly." Big decided finally.

On the other side of the planet, Mr Mick found a sleepy Speedy and curled up to keep the injured bun warm.. after nibbling on some soggy carrot bits, of course.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

[Bunny Fiction] Vengeance for Speedy!

Maddy sat straight up on her hindlegs when she read Speedy's blog. Oh this would not do! She thumped her hindleg in irritation, and then promptly fell over. Beds were quite nice for lounging, but outraged protests.. not so much.

She shut down her netbook and shoved it under the mattress before hopping off the bed and dashed into her humom's closet. "Its here somewhere.." she muttered as she tossed things about. Not like a human could smell who was responsible, she'd just assume everything fell off or there was an earthquake or something.

"AH HA!" Maddy said happily, grabbing the nurse's hat in her teeth and tossing it so it landed on her head. She wiggled her ears a bit to get it situated. A bit of nibbling of a skirt and she had her black cape. She kicked the closet door closed and she was off to England!

..Hopefully all the clothes went back again..

* * *

Maddy snuck into Speedy's warren. "Ohh, you do look mauled," she sympathized.

Speedy looked up from where he'd been lying, head on front paws. He wasn't quite sure he was up to a visit from Miss Maddy.

"My humom's a nurse, I know just what you need!" She said, hopping up and sitting down next to him.

Speedy knew he shouldn't be suspicious, that the cute little lionhead meant well, but his leg hurt even after the medications his Mum had given him, and he was feeling quite tired and kurfluzzled.

Maddy pulled a plastic package out of her bunny purse. It made Speedy blink a bit in confusion. "Frozen peas and carrots!" she announced.

"I, er, am not much of a fan of peas.." he said. He didn't want to sound ungrateful and impolite, but..

"That's okay, you pick the carrots out while we put the cold pack on your leg to keep swelling down." She put it against the wounded limb.

Speedy looked down and nibbled the package open before stealing a bit of frozen carrot. This'd be a pretty nice treat on the hot days, but not so much in the midst of rain and misery. And it did make his leg feel a bit better. Maybe Maddy did know what she was hopping about.

She gave him a lick on the nose. "Now you just rest."

"Mmhmm." Speedy agreed, with the cold stealing the ache out of his leg, a nap did seem like a really nice idea.

Maddy watched her friend fall asleep before turning tail (with extra cape twirl!) and hopping back to the closet.

* * *

Maddy rushed into her other friends' warren in a blur of fluff and fur. "Hannah!" She declared, "We're going cat hunting!"

"We are?" Hannah asked, bemused. She sat up to look down at the younger rabbit. Well, she wasn't quite sure if Maddy was younger or not, but she was certainly more energetic and enthusiastic.

"Speedy got attacked by a cat!" Maddy explained with a thump.

"He what?!" Hannah's eyes narrowed as she focused on this news. "That cat is TOAST." The normally mellow brown bun growled. She nosed the sleeping Harrington. "We're going cat hunting, keep Momma busy."

"Mrrrhurrr.." Harrington murmered.

"Its raining in England, you might want a coat." Maddy said.

"That cat's going to want a hospital!" Hannah declared, hopping quickly towards the closet, Maddy scrambling to keep up with Hannah's much longer legs.

Harrington yawned and turned over as the closet door slammed closed. "Hurh? Wait.. what?" he asked the empty room, blinking twice. Women! Never explained anything..!

* * *

"Where is that rabbit hunter?" Hanna growled as she grabbed the tom by the scruff of his neck.

"Lady! I don't know! No one I know is stupid enough to go rabbit chasing in this neighbourhood, right?" He may have been twice Hannah's size, but he'd been quick to try and make a break for it when he'd realized just how mad the rabbit was.

Maddy gave his side a solid nip. "Well, any strange cats been around here lately?" she growled and then thumped.

The cat kept the opinion that she looked like an electrostatic pompom to himself. "Uh.. well, there's George. He's tretty strange. Says he likes Coronation Street." He looked at her, "What self-respecting tom watches the soaps, I tell you?"

Hannah gave him another shake, thumping his head against the brick wall. Apparently he wasn't taking her seriously enough. She added a growl.

Maddy translated around Hannah's mouthful of cat. "And where would we find this George and what does he look like?"

"Well, he stinks of rotten fish. I try not to get too close. But other than that, he's cow marked, y'know, black and white, right? Dunno where you'd find him, probably in a dust bin 'round the back of the market, looking for left overs. He doesn't have much brain power or manners that guy."

Hannah dropped him. "Thank you kindly." She said with her best southern belle while Maddy snickered into her paws. The two does hopped off in the direction the tom had indicated.

"Those dames be crazy." The cat muttered, giving his fur a good shake. "But anyone who chases rabbit 'round here be crazier!"

* * *

"That was quite clever." Maddy said as she helped Hannah groom the ick off.

"Thank you," Hannah said primly.

"Giving him a good chomp on the leg like that.. CHOMP! Raaaaoooorwwww.. goes the cat! Awesome!" Maddy enthused some more.

"It seemed only fair." Hannah replied.

"I don't think he'll be stupid enough to chase any more rabbits." Maddy said with great glee.

Hannah snorted. "I don't think he'll be chasing much of anything for a few weeks. Better hope he's treated his fellow cats and humans better than he's treated the rabbits or he'll be eating a lot of half rotten fish!"

"Serves him right!" Maddy said with venom, "Imagine! Hurting Speedy!"

"Hmph." Hannah noised. "Well, hopefully he's learnt his lesson, I won't be so nice the next time!" She stopped infront of the closet they'd borrowed. "Thank you for coming and getting me."

Maddy scuffed the rug, "Well, I did think of getting Mick.. but y'know boys.. they don't do anything right."

"Probably would have needed a nap first anyway." Hannah said dryly. She leaned down and gave the fuzzy rabbit a lick upside the mane. "Nice hat, by the way. Bit big though, don't you think?"

"I tried to size it down.. but the paper doesn't nom well.." Maddy said defensively.

"Yes, dear." Hannah hopped into the closet before Maddy could take offense.

Maddy glared at the closed door. Big rabbits were all such snots! She didn't even know why she put up with them!

But at least they'd gotten their vegence for Speedy! Now she better get back if she wanted the entertainment of her humom finding the closet how it'd been left..

Thursday, July 12, 2012

[Bunny Fiction] Princess Bibi and the Impossible Apes.

Bibi awoke from her nap and looked around her cardboard castle before stretching her way out. There was little that was as enjoyable as a good stretch. First you dug in your front paws and then let the rear slide away before you dug those in too to telescope your back and stretch all the running muscles in case you had to get to treats in a hurry.

She hopped out with her usual grace and saw that the apes were apparently busy with other things. She supposed she would give them a little leeway on the delivery of her supper, but really, how hard was it after all? You open the magic cold box, you pull out a salad, you give it to the bunny. Apes had to make a big production of everything!

She went to her water bowl and gave it a sniff of disdain. She had specifically asked for Brecon Carreg bottled water, this smelled suspicious like tap. It was a scent that couldn't be hidden even after running through a filter. She sighed. It was time to put pooties on the shopping slave's pillow again. You really think they would learn.

She sat by her food bowl patiently for thirty-eight seconds and decided enough was enough. She'd waited for an eternity but she was hungry NOW. She hopped to the kitchen to find out what was keeping her dinner.

The female human ape had the black banana to her ear again. The apes used this to talk to each other. Bibi was pretty sure this was the silliest and most inefficient way they could have chosen. She listened for a few moments and while the female furless seemed to think this was an incredibly important matter, nothing was more important than a bunny's dinner!

She thumped and got told to "shush, Bibi." Well, this would not do!

Bibi hopped over to the wall and gave the female ape a warning look. The female ignored it and her. Really? Hadn't the female learnt by now the dangers of ignoring a Bibi when she wanted food and attention. Standing up on her hindlegs, Bibi nudged the black plastic banana's holder aside and saw the root within. Humans were forever hiding their roots. They were so selfish, they didn't like to share and got very upset if you ate one they were saving for later.

Bibi gave the human one last chance, but she'd turned her back and was looking out the window. Well, no one could say that Bibi hadn't been reasonable, patient and given plenty of chances. She opened her mouth and chomped down on the root -- hard. She then sat back down on all fours, back to the wall to wait for the human to realize it was supper time!

The female stopped talking and said a few words, then some more, and then looked at the black plastic banana in confusion. She pressed a few bleeping buttons and muttered to herself. Bibi thumped to remind her of her duties. The ape finally seemed to notice her. About time, that! The female came over and pushed some buttons on the holder. Oh for carrot's sake.. What did it take to get food around here??

The female ape found the chomped root after some searching and prodding. She looked down at Bibi and asked how the heck she'd managed it. Bibi said right back how didn't matter, why was the important thing.

But, as usual, the human wasn't listening. Instead of going to the magic cold box, she called for the male ape. The male ape was apparently watching tv with his eyes closed. Bibi wasn't quite sure how you watched much of anything with your eyes closed, but the male must like it because he did it often.

Bibi let out a long suffering sigh before moving to sit in front of the cold box. She had tried a few times before to get the silly thing open herself, but the door was too heavy to open even for the most determined bunny.

She had hope when the male showed up and looked at the chomped cord and shook his head. He came over to Bibi and tried to rub her nose, telling her she's a right clever boots, isn't she? Bibi knew she was but these apes were NOT. How direct did she have to be? Even ape flesh was starting to look tasty as her tummy hugged her backbone. She thumped. Twice, for good measure.

The male looked at her funny before returning to his bondmate and the broken root. Something about easy to fix. Bibi thumped again. Hello, starving bunny over here? The special roots weren't tasty or very filling, and trust you, me, Bibi had tried plenty of times in the past to make a meal out of some long ones!

Suddenly the ape clued in, asking his mate had she given Bibi her salad yet? The human put hand to her mouth and declared she'd been a bit busy. "Well, no wonder she's getting into mischief!" The ape declared as he strode over to the cold box and opened it.

'Mischief?' snorted Bibi. Oh, they hadn't seen mischief yet..

He pulled out various greens while Bibi tried to snatch them by periscoping up. "Oi, wait till I get it made you greedy rabbit."

Made? It was leaves and roots, how much 'making' could it possibly need? She sighed again, humans could make a big deal out of everything and anything.

She hopped back and forth at his feet while he mucked about. Really, he took forever with these things. Sixteen and a half eternities later he had her supper in a bowl. But, instead of putting it down at her feet he carried it all the way back to her warren. "Are you kidding me?" grumbled Bibi, she had to hop all the way back there? What was WITH these humans?!

Grumbling and muttering she hopped to go eat her dinner. The ape patted her on the head, "You need the exercise, old girl."

Did he just call her fat? Oh, someone was getting a peed on pillow AND pooties underneath. She stuck her nose in the salad. Damnit, humans were just so impossibly hard to train!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

[Bunny Fiction] Olympic Planning Commitee

Mickey, bunny model extrodinaire, stood up with a stretch only a bunny could manage. He shook his floppy, loppy, ears, as he extended his spine with a muscle straning stretch, his hind toes digging into the carpet as his front legs pulled him forward. With a quick yawn he hopped on his way down the hallway. He supposed he should probably close his enclosure over, but The Boy, his sworn nemesis, would get blamed if he didn't. That was always funny!

Mickey stopped in front of the hall mirror to peer at himself. Five years old and he still had it! He looked at himself from one angle and then the other. There was absolutely no denying it, he was the most handsome bun in the house! Why, he'd bet he was the most handsome bun in the entire city!

"Stop the preening, we have planning to do!" Weasley declared from where he was sitting to the side of Mick.

The lop looked over with a furrowed brow. He hadn't been admiring himself for THAT long, had he? Surely not! Uppy rabbits could just be so impatient, they were all rush, rush, rush! Waitaminute.. "How do you know I was looking in the mirror?!"

The blind rabbit rolled his cloudy eyes, "This is where the mirror has been for years," he said, "And I could hear you over here lost in ego land."

Mick sat up, most indignant. "I was NOT lost in ego land!"

Weasley snorted, "I've been sitting her for seventy two's of an hour!"

Mick's brow furrowed as he tried to do the math. "I think you're reading the clock wrong."

Weasley just looked at the lop with incredulity.

"Oh. Right." Mick realized his red fuzzy friend was being sarcastic again. He wasn't always so good at spotting that. They sat there for a minute before Mick led his friend back to his warren, happy to share his latest bundle of hay.

The two munched in happy companionship for a while.

"So, not that I'm not happy to see you," Mick said as they started to slow down in the hay mowing, "But what're you doing here?"

"Oh! I was thinking about the Olympics." Weasley said around a long strand of hay as he chewed it shorter and shorter.

"Me too! I can't wait to see the tossing!" Mr Mick excelled at tossing!

"Hammers, metal frisbees, it does sound fun," Weasley agreed. Not this his momma ever let him toss hammers. She got upset about damage to walls and things. Was it HIS fault that the hammer had been heavier than he expected? At least he hadn't been caught or blamed..

The two munched on.

"Anyway!" Weasley said, getting back to the matter at paw, "I was thinking Speedy needs to experience the hay mobile."

Mr Mick nodded enthusaistically, "Do we put wings on it to fly across the ocean?" That sounded very fun to him!

"No.. That'd just take too long. Flights can take *NINE* hours!" Weasley and Mr Mick both thought there were better things they both could be doing with that time.. like sleeping.

Mick shuddered at the thought of having to be awake and paying attention.. "Wait, why don't we just get some of that cruise control stuff?" He asked. Point the box in the direction of Speedy's house and off it'd go!

"I have a better idea!" Weasley said with a foot stomp. "If you'd let me get it out!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Mick apologized. He gave Weasley's ear a fond lick. Uppy ear fur tasted funny though.

"Anyway." Weasley said, again. "Why not take it through a bunny portal?" Weasley asked and then carried on before Mickey could possibly answer. "See, Speedy showed that pantries can be used, and one of them is sure large enough!"

Mick tossed his head, "Problem is, the larger the closet or cupboard, the less accurate the portal. I think Speedy proved that!"

Weasley gave the bunny equivalent of a shrug, "Doesn't matter if we land down the road of Speedy's, does it? We'll have transport!"

"Oooooh." Mr Mick said, catching on. "That IS a good idea!" He sat down and groomed a hind foot in appreciation.

"Thank you!" Weasley said proudly, giving his jaw a scritch.  "Good enough to let me drive again?"

"NO!" Mickey said sternly, then seeing his friend's crestfallen face, "Well.. maybe."

Weasley brightened right up, "You won't regret it! I've been practicing, you know!"

"Really?" Mick asked, wondering just how well that had been working out.

"Sure!" A pause. "Though, I think my neighbours are starting to wonder about the strange designs on their lawns..." He mused.

Mickey snorted, "Humans are always wondering about stupid things, don't worry about it." He sat up on his hindlegs, sniffing, "Hey, I think The Boy left his door open, wanna go snack on some paper? He has the best tasting paper!"

"Lead on!" Weasley agreed, getting to his own feet.

"This'll be the best Olympics yet!" Mr Mick declared with a happy hop!

[Bunny Fictions] Carrots mean Home!

Sir Walter Harrington, Cuteticus Bunnicus Extremus, woke when his side started getting cold. Normally, his bunwife would be using him for a pillow, but for some reason she'd wandered off from him side. Helicopter ears twitched as he tried to identify her by sound. The sounds of the 'office' were the usual, the rummaging around in the thread drawers, the muttering, the .. oh, the muttering was in bunny, not human. Rolling to his feet, Harrington meandered over to see what his wife was up to.

Lady Hannah Goldenhare, Beauticus Ladicus, was half in, half out of a large storage container of threads. She had some beside her already and the computer was whirring away to itself from where she'd apparently been using it. She was muttering to herself about 'That doesn't go with orange.'

"Nothing rhymes with orange." Harrington offered unhelpfully as he hopped up.

Hannah dropped out of the box to give him a vaguely offended look. "I don't much care what RHYMES with orange, Harrington," she sighed and nosed at some of the spools. "Look," she pointed up at the screen of a pattern.

Harrington obediently looked up to see the pattern than showed a weave of mint and cilantro in the border, with crossed carrots on the left with 'Home / Sweet / Home' written to their right. "Oh, that's very pretty." He said. It practically looked good enough to eat!

"Oh, thank you." She said, sounding pleased for a moment and paused to groom her cheeks before going back to the problem at paw, "Well, the problem is, the border is green, the carrots are orange and green, what colour should the words be? Brown goes, but brown is quite boring!"

Harrington stomped a forepaw, quite indignant. "I happen to think brown is beautiful!"

She blinked at him then whiskers twitched as she realized he meant her and her fur. She turned to give him a lick across the nose. "You are the sweetest, but I don't think we can get agouti thread on the material.."

Harrington sighed and laid down, this was obviously going to take a while. He'd learned that females in the throws of creation could potter around for hours.

"I suppose I could go with a light, then dark, then light combination of brown.." Hannah muttered to herself, going back to nosing around colours in the box, "But I still think that's rather .. dreary."

Harrington drifted for a while, wondering if he wanted to get up for a snack, or to find a sunbeam, or just find something to scritch himself against, when he thought outloud, "Why not wine?"

"Wine what, dear?" Hannah asked, voice muffled by the box. Her voice sounded odd enough that Harrington thought it was almost in a frequency adult humans could hear.

"Wine colour." He said, yawning. "Momma likes wine, doesn't she?"

"It IS a pretty colour." Hannah said brightly, grabbing a colour in her teeth and scrambling out of the box. She dropped the thread she wanted on the floor and grabbed the rejects to toss them back in. Momma would sort them all out when she came in, momma was always doing that sort of thing. She nudged the box back and fought the lid back on - one had to be neat and tidy, after all! "You're a genius, Harrington!" she declared as she lined up the colours with approval.

"I know." He said humbly, getting to his feet. "Can we go have second breakfast now?"

"Oh! That would explain why my stomach is all huggy on my backbone! I think its almost time for human breakfast!" She tossed the thread up on the chair before giving a mighty leap up onto it, unable to resist a 'wheeee!' as it spun. She let it revolve a couple of times before grabbing the desk with her teeth to stop it and tossed the threads up beside the mouse. "THERE!" she declared before hopping off, "Now momma can't complain we don't do anything around here but look good!"

Harrington watched his wife hop back off the chair, thinking the spinning did look fun, but momma always got so excited when he tried. Girls got to have ALL the fun. It wasn't fair.

Hannah stopped her hopping to turn over her shoulder to look at Harrington who seemed lost in a daze. "Aren't you coming?" She asked. Sheesh, boys. Couldn't let them alone for a minute!